Easy A
by ATLpaintingflowers
Summary: The completely false account of how I, Rose Weasley lost my virginity. And how I set things right by telling the truth.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor do I own Easy A**

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**Prologue**

The rumors of my promiscuity have been greatly exaggerated, and it all started my 5th year at Hogwarts.

I used to be anonymous, invisible to the opposite sex. If this thing we learned about in Muggle Studies called Google Earth was a guy, he couldn't find me if I was dressed up as the Gringotts Bank building. Pretty cutting edge stuff isn't it; a teenage girl feeling anonymous. _Who am I? What does it all mean? Why am I here?_

But don't worry; this isn't one of those tales, though it all started out that way, and then it all changed pretty quickly when I started lying about some very personal things. So let the record show that I, Rose Weasley being of sound mind and below average breast size; swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth… starting now.

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	2. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor do I own Easy A**

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**Chapter 1 **or **the shudder inducing and clichéd, however totally false account of how I lost my virginity to some guy in his 7****th**** year.**

Let me begin by saying there are two sides to every story. This is my side, the right one.

"Corey is _not_ a name you would scream out during climax, it's something you would name your owl or cat." My friend, my only friend Jenna exclaimed waving her hands about in a rather dramatic fashion.

I, on the other hand was on my hands and knees trying to pick up my books which I had dropped, while alternating between trying to shush Jenna.

"And by that I assume you mean?" Came the squeaky voice of Professor Flitwick.

I finally stood up after picking up all of my fallen books and responded rather confidently. "The stable and self-perpetuating end statement to the evolution of a gillyweed community, why? What were you thinking?"

"Same." He answered nodding his head in agreement. "But I don't say out loud, lest someone get the wrong idea. I think you know an innuendo is attached to anything and everything one might say."

Jenna faked a look of surprise. "An innuendo? Whatever do you mean?"

"Jenna, Rose; go hit the books, they don't hit back. Also antidotes not _Avada's_, hit the dragon get the fire, and any other cliché's you can think of." Professor Flitwick reprimanded us as he walked away to advise some other students.

"Bye Professor Flitwick." Jenna and I called after him.

I turned to Jenna. "Why do you have to talk so loud?" I hissed.

"I don't know!" She hissed right back.

Professor Flitwick is my favorite teacher, though after all the trouble I've caused I don't know if I'm his favorite student anymore.

And this is where all the trouble began:

"Please I am begging you. I will pay you. Please." Jenna whined.

"Jenna. I cannot go to Hogsmeade with you. I'm sorry, I have a date. Okay." I said shrugging.

"Ach," She huffed. "With who?"

"You don't know him." I responded elusively.

"And neither do you. You selfish bitch" She said stomping her feet in exasperation.

"Yes I do, he's in my cousin James' year." I snapped.

"Alright what's his name then?"

Jenna is what you'd call a strong personality. A week ago, Jenna invited me to Hogsmeade weekend with her Hufflepuff friends.

Now you might be wondering if I have some sort of prejudice against Hufflepuff's, I don't. I am a completely unprejudiced Ravenclaw. It's just that Jenna's Hufflepuff friends are weird as hell. I swear.

One time we all hung out by the lake, and they tried to do some weird muggle calming therapy on me. I swore to myself after that, that I would never be caught dead near them.

So I lied and told her that I had a date with a boy in James' year named Corey.

"Let's face it. There is no such thing as a fit Corey." She was adamant on the fact that I would not be going on my 'date'.

"Well mine is alright." I sighed, wanting her to drop this conversation for the hundredth time that day.

"Fine, don't come to Hogsmeade with us. Just know I hate you bitch." She said throwing her arms in the air. "Go get your pumpkin juice." She gestured to the Ravenclaw table as we stepped into the Great Hall for lunch.

"You want one?" I asked.

"No." And with that she walked away to join her housemates at the Gryffindor Table.

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	3. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor do I own Easy A**

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It was finally the Sunday of the Hogsmeade trip, and Jenna had finally accepted that I was going on a date. Of course that was _not _the case, and this was how I actually spent the day:

I had gotten up and taken great care to avoid Jenna that day, during which I took the drastic measure of eating breakfast in the kitchens. I will also include that I got a congratulations card from my Nana Molly for getting an internship at St. Mungo's during the coming Christmas break. There is probably nothing interesting about the fact that I got a card, other than the fact that it started belting out _A Cauldron Full Of Hot Strong Love _the moment it was opened.

The rest of day was included with me performing menial tasks such as painting my nails, cleaning around the dormitory, doing my laundry, and the like.

But on Monday when Jenna asked me how my weekend was, I was reminded of the fact that I was supposedly on date and that she expected me to spill. So spill I did.

"He was charming, you know. He was a real gentleman, and all." I said. "It feels like I've got a love and it's all mine."

"Okay, wait. So are you going to see him again?" Jenna asked; her interest clearly piqued.

"No." I responded, quickly making something up. I really needed to think these things through. "Nah, I'm really not. It was only one of those weekend things."

"One of those weekend things?"

"Yep." I replied, looking the other way.

"Whoa. Wait a minute." Jenna sounded excited, as if she had just gotten a sudden revelation. "You didn't have…Did you?"

"No." I near shouted.

"You liar! You totally lost your v-card to him." She said pointing a finger at me accusingly.

"No, I didn't. Jenna, I'm not that kind of girl." I protested.

"Yes, you did." Jenna was clearly refusing to listen to any of my protests. "Tell me everything." She demanded as she started pulling me toward one of the restrooms.

"Come on, Jen. Listen to me." I pleaded.

"I want every detail. Now, bitch." She pulled the both of us inside the restroom and closed the door.

"You know, you call me bitch a lot. It's not really a term of endearment." I said as I rubbed my arm where she grabbed it.

"I want every detail now." She said yet again ignoring what I was saying.

"You know , you're not really heading in the right direction—."

"Tell me." She shouted, cutting me off.

"Fine." I shouted right back, she wanted to hear something, I tell her the best lie she'd ever heard. "We did it."

"Yes. Finally." She squealed, pulling me in for a hug. "Now you're a super-slut like me." She added after she'd let me go.

"I don't think letting Peter McLaggen motorboat you behind Madam Puddifoot's really makes you a super slut." I said giving her a strange look.

"There were a lot of people walking past. Someone could've easily seen." Jenna argued. "Whatever, this isn't about _me._ It's about you. What did you let him do?"

I raised an eyebrow. Let the lie-feeding begin. "It was normal, y'know. Nothing freaky."

I don't know why I did it, maybe it was because it was the first time I'd ever felt superior to Jenna. I just started piling on lie after lie. It was like playing Exploding Snap.

"—and we had candles, but they were sexy. You know, those kind." I said as Jenna nodded enraptured.

Suddenly a girl walked out of one of the stalls, looking pointedly at me as she washed her hands.

"What are you looking at Sister Christian?" Jenna snapped.

"Oh nothing, just a pair of admitted whores." She replied airily, as she walked out of the restroom.

Denise Camden; secretary of the Slug Club, chairman of Yule Ball dance committee, and President of the Cross Your Heart club, a club dedicated to shoving their beliefs down people's throats'.

Last year's cause celeb was the changing thestrals that pulled the carriages. Apparently thestrals were a sign of the devil.

This year, Denise had a new cause celeb. Any guesses who it was? Me.

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